


Can We Talk?

by bun_bun_bum



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay Keith (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, M/M, Mutual Pining, klangst, matt holt/shiro hints, slowburn, this takes place after they save the universe and all that, we get some backstory from Keith
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-19 11:41:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11897004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bun_bun_bum/pseuds/bun_bun_bum
Summary: Lance McClain was the last person Keith expected to run away from home. He was so happy to come back from space and reunite with his family, but only a week into the Paladin's break from saving the universe, he disappears, the only message he leaves is with Keith.Keith was the last person that Lance would contact for help. But nonetheless, in the dead of night, Lance sends him a video and 56 messages that get increasingly more and more worrisome. At first, Keith is sure that it's a joke, but something's wrong.It's up to Keith to find him and bring him back.





	1. 56 Messages and a Video

**Author's Note:**

> This all started as a 3 am fanfic. Now it's this huge story what am I doing.

“I'm not really sure how to start this,”

Keith smiled. Was Lance ever sure about anything? 

“There's just so much I want to say...”

Lance always had too much to say.

“...I hope this doesn't get too long.”

Wait. he paused the video to check its length. _15 minutes?!_ If this was all just some joke, Keith was going to murder that guy. He sighed and plopped himself back down into his bed from the position where he sat. Why couldn’t this wait until the morning? He yawned loudly and checked the time. 2 am. Usually Keith stayed up even later, but he woke up early the other day to help Shiro pack for his cross-country “bonding trip” with Matt. His arms, legs, and back ached from running through the Garrison, carrying suitcases and bags into Shiro’s minivan, which made the other senior officers yell at him for running in the hallways. He was exhausted both physically and mentally. His stomach growled. And hungry. Time for a snack.

Keith tiptoed across the floorboards of his and Shiro’s small apartment towards the tiny kitchen, careful not to wake his neighbors. The Galaxy Garrison was closed for the students over the summer, but the instructors and officers that lived there were hard at work preparing for the upcoming school term. Keith decided it was best not to disturb them.

It didn't take long for him to reach the kitchen, their apartment was quite tiny. But they made it work. As Keith crept through their cozy living room he remembered the day he first saw this little home. How old was he again? He was about 10 when Shiro found him dying of dehydration and starvation in his little shack in the desert. What would he have done if Shiro hadn't take him back to the Garrison and nurse him back to health? He’d probably be dead. Keith shuddered at the thought.

He was no more than 11 when Shiro became his legal guardian and took him in. He had often felt guilty about that. Shiro was just a kid himself, barely 18. He had also lost his entire family recently, and he was hardly emotionally stable or even mature enough to raise himself, much less a child. Yet he saw something in young Keith. Maybe something about him reminded Shiro of his deceased younger brother, Ryou. Maybe Shiro just took pity on the child. Maybe during their shared time together Shiro and Keith built a strong layer of trust. Or maybe it was a mix of all of these things. Nonetheless, he decided to take Keith in as almost a younger brother and raise him into adulthood, something he couldn't do for Ryou. 

Keith, lost in thought, bumped into the sharp corner of the coffee table, the pain jolting him back into reality. He immediately fell over and clutched his foot. Keith, the Red Paladin, Pilot of the Red and Black Lion, member of the Blade of Marmora, and Defender of the Universe, couldn't even walk into a room without causing a ruckus and getting hurt. What would Lance say? 

That's right. Lance. He had to focus on the mission: get snacks, return to headquarters (i.e. Bedroom) and watch his video. Steadily, like a true hero, he got back up to his feet and limped to the kitchen. He rummaged through the cupboards for a snack. Sure, the Garrison provided 3 meals a day to both Shiro and Keith, since Shiro was a senior officer and an instructor at the school, but it was always nice to have a few snacks around the house, especially since Keith refused to leave their floor. But unfortunately, Shiro, who usually bought the snacks, was out for the month and Keith had been too lazy and antisocial to leave his room to go into the outside world and get food. Resulting in him now having to live without a late night bowl of cereal and having to find another snack to peck on. 

He opened the fridge and tried to pick between Hunk’s leftover pie that Shiro had proclaimed “his” or the leftover pizza that Pidge had put a “Touch this and die” note on, but his heart was just not into it. His mind was clouded by the thought of the video that Lance had sent him. It wasn't like Lance to be up at 2 am (well 5 am in Cuba), the guy had to get his so-called “Beauty Sleep”. Plus he was at home, no way would his mom let her little “Lancy Lance” be up after midnight. But nonetheless, he had sent him a text in the dead of night that read, “Keith Whatever-Your-Middle-Name-Is Kogane, you better watch this video or so help me God I will fly to Arizona and kick your ass”. 

Keith had rolled his eyes and laid back into bed to get some sleep but found himself lying awake for 10 minutes, pondering the explanations behind the text. It wasn't like Lance didn't text him often, he did daily to mostly send him pictures of disgusting images and say “Hey it's you” and other immature jokes since he couldn't do them in person. But this time, something was off. 

Maybe it was because, for the 10 minutes where Keith lied trying to sleep, Lance spammed him with _56 messages_ that got increasingly more and more worrisome with each buzz. Lance was always desperate for attention, but not this desperate. 

It started off the way Lance usually spammed Keith: 

_Keith_

_Keith_

_Keeeeeith_

_Keef_

_Beef_

_Hey_

_Man_

_Dude_

_Buddy_

_Bro_

_Pal_

_Chum_

_U there?_

_Don't tell me you’re sleeping_

_Laaaaaame_

_Sleep is for the weak_

But it started getting...different.

_Keith_

_I know u’re up_

_U probs pulled an all-nighter again_

_You can take a break and WATCH THE GODDAMN VIDEO_

_U r such a dick_

_Just watch the video it ain't hard_

_Omg I'm talking like u now_

_C’mon Keith_

_Are you mad at me?_

And then:

_Please_

_Keith please_

_Don't ignore me_

_Please don't ignore me_

_Are you mad at me?_

_Please don't be mad._

_I’m sorry I'm spamming you._

_I just_

_Need you to watch this video right now_

_It can't wait until the morning_

_I need a response Keith_

_Keith_

_Please watch the video_

_I have no idea what I’m doing_

_It's important_

_To me anyway_

_I guess you can live without knowing_

_But I can't_

_You’ll probably hate me afterward_

_I did a bad thing_

_A really really bad thing_

_Like_

_I fucked up man_

_And_

_I don't know what to do_

_I'm crying right now_

_No joke_

_Please_

_Keith_

_Help me_

And then ended with this final message:

_I'm sorry._

Keith immediately knew something was up, Lance never said “please” or “sorry”. Something must have been very wrong with the universe.

But all jokes aside, Keith found himself bolting up after reading the messages and pacing around his room, questioning what it all meant. His hands had shaken when he started to press play. Could this all be some sort of joke? Lance had been known to play pranks on his teammates. What if this was just another one? His heart had practically leaped out of his chest. He felt like he was going to regret it later, but he knew that it was better to be safe than sorry. 

He walked back into his room, juggling his plate of pie and pizza along with his phone and glass of almond milk. Balancing them all on his bedside desk, he flopped back into bed and wrapped himself in his blankets. When he decided that he was comfy, he popped his head out of his cocoon to eat. He took a bite into the savory sweet pastry and sighed. Hunk’s mini apple pie always soothed his nerves. Keith took a deep breath and a sip of milk, then pressed play.

Lance’s usually cheerful face looked nervous and downcast today.

“So...you’re probably wondering why I sent this video. The reason? I'm dead.” 

Keith choked and spat out his milk. No. No no no no no no no. That was more than impossible, how could Lance have been spamming him only minutes prior? Not possible. Unless that wasn't Lance. 

Keith had almost begun putting together the theory that Lance had never even existed when Video-Lance laughed. 

“Ah, dude I'm obviously joking.”

Dang.

“The reason I made this video, the real reason is….”

Lance shuffled in his seat awkwardly, the desk lamp shining upon him reflecting the trickles of sweat forming on his forehead. The background of his video was unfamiliar, very different from what Keith was expecting. Whenever Lance Skyped his friends while he was at home he always did it in his room, in front of his bed and behind his wooden desk. It was always surprisingly clean, but then again this was Lance. Appearance was very important to the boy. And his room showed it.

His walls were painted a rich dark blue and he had scattered glow-in-the-dark-stars throughout the surface. Whenever they skyped, he usually turned all the lights off except for his fairy lights shining onto his face, giving his room this starry sky feel to it and giving Lance this soft golden glow. The strings of light dangling from the ceiling like rain or falling stars. 

Then there was the collage that hung above the head of his bed. Photobooth photos, polaroids, family pictures, little doodles, stickers, newspaper and magazine clippings, posters, sticky notes of encouragement, and so much more were pasted together to create something that felt truly Lance. Everything he loved was in that masterpiece. Keith thought it was beautiful, but he’d never tell Lance that. He had memorized the placements of the pictures on the wall. He was always too far away to see, but he secretly wondered if he was amongst the photos. The idea of him being on the wall was unlikely, but he would have liked it. He highly doubted that he was significant enough in Lance’s life to deserve the honor of being on the wall.

Next to the collage was his closet, who’s door held his Paladin armor, kept clean and polished, ready at a second’s notice. His Garrison uniform always hung beside it. Keith remembered the last time that they had Skyped and how he was complaining that Lance was already getting ready for school even though it was still a month away. 

But the background was different this time. He was sitting on a neatly made bed, with no photographs to be seen on the walls. From the direction he was filming Keith could see no desk or closet. Perhaps he was in a hotel room on vacation with his family? Keith wouldn't have been surprised, Lance’s family always did something extravagant when he came home. He was lucky.

Keith didn't realize that he had zoned out for a couple of minutes and yelped when he saw Lance rubbing his eyes. Oh no no no no no. Fuck what happened? What did he miss? Was Lance crying? Did something happen? Is he alright? Damn it, he was a bad friend, he couldn't even pay attention for more than 2 minutes. Keith mentally slapped himself and rewound the video to catch up for the time he wasn't listening. 

“....because I want to talk. But like, you’re annoying and I don't want you to keep interrupting me but I still want a response in the end so I'm just gonna film myself and send it to you rather than Skype or whatever.”

Keith groaned and all his feelings of worry for Lance vanished. Typical.

“...but also, I don't think I could even say this while seeing your face. Even if it's through a screen, I just….I don't know. I just can't. Maybe I'm scared? I don't know I just….don't want you to judge me.”

Keith frowned. He knew they weren't _that_ close but he never thought that Lance would ever think that he’d seriously judge him. They were friends after all. Just barely, Lance had proclaimed that they were still “rivals” but they were friends nonetheless. Right?

Then again Lance had other friends. Why wasn't he talking to them?

“You’re probably thinking that I should be talking to some of my other friends right?”

Was this guy psychic?

“Well jokes on you because I have no friends.”

Lance stopped himself and rubbed his temple. “Joking again, I need to stop that, this is serious. I mean, I could have talked to other people yeah, Hunk’s a great listener, Shiro gives great advice, and Pidge is real about stuff, but I can't bother them at what, 5 in the morning? You’re the only one I'd wake up in the middle of the night or morning or whatever to ask for advice, _Samurai_.”

Lance gave the camera his iconic little flirty smirk and winked. Keith couldn't help but smile as he scoffed. But he frowned afterward. Of course, that's why he woke him up. He didn't have any other options. 

“And, I really want _your_ help right now.”

That was new.

Lance took a shaky deep breath, running a hand through his messy hair. Keith knew that something was definitely wrong now. Lance took care of his looks and never left the house looking…like _that_. Messy hair, tired eyes, grimy clothing? What was he, Keith? He’d never show himself looking like that unless something was truly wrong. Lance rubbed his watery puffy tired eyes. Keith stared at them. Was he….crying before this?

“So I fucked up. Yeah, I know, not surprising, I know I know, _hilarious_. But seriously. I messed up really really badly, Keith. Where do I even begin…”

Lance held his arms to his chest and lowered his head. Keith could see him trying his best not to shake. He took an unsteady breath.

“Keith…I ran away.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how to use AO3?? This is my first fanfic here and I am so confused.


	2. A Late Night Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected phone call brings Keith up to speed on the situation.

Keith dropped his phone. 

It hit the ground with a loud thud, but he no longer cared about waking his neighbors. His shaking hands reached for something to hold onto, for reassurance. But there was nobody around him. He was alone. Again.

Keith found himself gripping the sides of his head, leaning over and digging his elbows into his thighs. His nails buried into his scalp. He stared at his fallen phone with disbelief. His eyes practically bulged out of their sockets, so widely opened that they started to hurt. Shutting them tight, he tried to remember how to breathe.

This couldn't be happening. It couldn’t be. This wasn't real. Lance wouldn't just run away. His family was his everything. They were the only reason he stayed sane for those many months in space. He talked about them constantly on the ship, with such appreciation and emotion in his voice that it brought tears to his eyes. Keith remembered all the times when Lance would leave the room to go cry by himself over his loneliness. He loved them, so why would he leave them? Lance had to be joking.

Wait. This was all some joke. Some stupid, tasteless insensitive joke. To rile him up. To make Keith feel scared for him. To make him remember his own stupid past. So that when Keith texted or called him, worried and scared that Lance was really gone like some lovesick puppy, he'd laugh and say it was all a prank. _Hilarious_. 

He gritted his teeth. Lance wasn't going to make a fool out of him. Oh no, he was going to give that bastard a piece of his mind. But as he picked up the phone and went to dial Lance's number, it rang.

Alarmed, Keith jumped, almost dropping his phone a second time. He went to check the contact: Hunk? 

"Uh hello?" Keith answered.

"Keith! Thank god you're up, wait what are you doing up? It's 2 AM over there Keith!"

"I could ask you the same thing." 

Even though they were though they were thousands of miles away, Keith could feel Hunk's serious attitude. "No time for witty banter Keith, Lance is missing."

Keith paused. "....this is a joke right?"

"He's been gone for- Wait, what?! Keith! Why would I be joking?! This is serious! Lance has been gone for hours, his mom just called me and asked if he's talked me recently. And I got worried because he didn't!" His voice got dead serious. "Keith. He didn't send me a goodnight text yesterday."

He held in a gasp. Shit. Lance never forgot to send good night messages to his friends, even Keith. He did them religiously, every night, along with a kiss and a blue heart. It was so cheesy and dumb, especially since they were in different time zones. Lance would text him good night, but the sun wouldn't have even set yet in Arizona. How could he not notice something was off when he didn't receive one? But then again, Lance did message him only a while ago. 

"It's just....he did text me. He sent me some stupid video and messages-"

Shit. Was he supposed to tell other people that he got Lance's video? Keith bit his lip. Lance probably wouldn't have wanted people to worry about him. Maybe he sent it to Keith because he thought he’d be the one to freak out the least? But then again, this was Hunk, Lance's best friend. If anyone would know about Lance’s situation, it was this guy. It should be okay to tell him, right? 

"-and then I got worried and then upset and angry and suddenly I thought he was joking because that's what Lance does, he jokes around and makes you feel crap that you shouldn't and-"

"Wait. He sent you a video? And texts? When?!"

"About 20 minutes ago."

Hunk gasped. "Keith! That means he's not dead!" Keith could hear loud cheers and cries echoing through the phone. He couldn't help but smile as the big guy laughed into the phone. He heard Hunk sniffle and rub his eyes. "Do you know where he is? Is he ok? Is he hurt? Hungry? DYING??" 

"Hunk, breathe. I didn't even finish watching the video yet, how would I know?”

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just, why did he send you a video?" 

Ouch. 

"I don't know why he sent it to me! It just happened," he snapped instinctively.

Keith could hear Hunk wincing, sucking air through his teeth. Shit. He was too hard on the guy, wasn't he?

"Eeeek sorry Keith, I didn't mean it like that. I meant _why_ did he send a video? His mom says he's been gone for at least 6 hours already and hasn't contacted anyone since then, but I guess he talked to you."

 _But why me?_ Keith wondered. 

"Hunk it's only been 6 hours, how do you know he's not partying with some chicks or something? Maybe we're overreacting, he'll probably come home after he's cleared his head. This is Lance, after all, he can't be away from home for too long before he starts crying."

"Uh, I dunno Keith. I think this is serious."

"The word 'serious' and 'Lance' don't go together."

"Keith, he had a fight with his family."

Keith shrugged. "Isn't that normal? All families fight Hunk, he'll be fine."

"His mom slapped him."

"...fuck." 

There was a pause. Keith didn't have much experience with his parents slapping him since they were out of the picture most of his life. But he could hardly imagine what Lance must have felt. Betrayed? Hurt? Guilty? But what did he do to deserve that? Keith didn’t want to think of the possibilities. 

Hunk broke the silence. "Does the video say why he ran away? Or where he is? Or if he's alone or kidnapped or starving or-" Hunk sniffled and took an uneasy breath. 

"Hunk, calm down," Keith said, trying to sound calm and soothing, just like Shiro would have. "I'm sure he's fine, he looks….alright in the video. I don't know why he left yet like I said I didn't finish."

Hunk blew his nose. "Well, hurry up and finish watching it!"

"Do you want me to send it to you?"

"No! No no no, that's a private video. If Lance wanted other people to see it he would have sent it to us or posted it on Snapchat or something. He clearly only wanted you to see this."

"But...why me?" Now that he thought about it, it didn't make much sense. Sure, Lance claimed to not want to disturb anyone, but Hunk would have been awake if he texted him, his time zone was 7 hours earlier than Lance’s. It was only around 10 pm over in Samoa. And Pidge didn't sleep until the birds started singing. Plus, when they left space to return to life back on Earth, Allura left them with a communicator to the ship and their lion so that if Voltron were needed, in space or on Earth, they could be contacted. Plus, she wanted to keep in touch. Why didn't he message any of them? 

"Because you're his friend, Keith. And you know better than any of us what it's like to have....family problems. And to run away. I think Lance needed someone who went through what he's going through. And tell him everything not to do." 

Keith couldn't help but chuckle. "You got me there.”

There was another pause. Keith didn’t mind the silence and was about to tell Hunk to hang up when he said in a small timid voice. 

“....Are you worried about him?”

Keith scoffed. “Of course not. He’s Lance. He's probably in his closet hiding.” He remembered the day that the team played hide-and-seek with some of the children of the allied forces. Lance couldn't be found for 2 hours. Maybe he was playing a game again?

“You’re lying aren't you.”

“....maybe.”

“Do you miss him?”

What was with all these questions?

“Why would I? He texts us practically every minute and Skypes us for hours every day. There's no time without Lance to even miss him.” 

“I miss him.”

“Well of course you do, you guys are best friends.” 

“But it's so weird, not to see him in person every day.”

“I guess so.” Lance was an interesting guy. Life was somewhat boring without him. Even Keith could admit that. Maybe he kind of did miss a few things about Lance. Obviously not his excessive flirting and conceited remarks. But he missed the way Lance always had his back during a mission. He missed him coming into his room in the middle of the night to just talk. He missed their “fighting” and their arguments and competitions. God. He really did miss Lance.

“You know Keith,” Hunk’s voice snapped him back into reality. “This reminds me of that time in the Garrison, when you ran away.”

“I didn't run away, I was expelled.” And extremely grateful that Iverson let him come back to finish his education and get his diploma he wanted to add.

“Keith, I'm not dumb. I know you ran out of the building after hearing the news that Shiro was dead on the Kerberos Expedition. Iverson just said you were expelled to cover up the fact that we knew you were never coming back.”

“You’re forgetting the part where I punched a few officers for not telling me what happened to him.”

Keith could almost tell that Hink was waving his hand. “Details, details. The point is I remember the day you ran away from the Garrison. Lance was really worried about you.”

He wanted to laugh. Lance? Worried about him? “That sounds unlikely.”

“It's true though! Lance almost ran out after you. He actually got up and followed you until the teacher dragged him back to class. And then when you never came back? He pretended to be happy that you were gone. ‘Good riddance,’ he said. But the truth? I saw him crying in our dorm room, he really thought you were dead too.”

Keith didn't know what to feel about this new found information. He knew that it wasn't relevant to the task at hand, but a part of him was somewhat….enjoying it?

“Why did he think I was dead?”

“Well, he thought that you probably couldn’t live by yourself out in the desert for long without dying. Plus….Shiro was your only family. Without him, you were alone again. When you ran out of that room, that was the first time we saw you cry. Lance thought that you’d….you know.”

“What?”

“Kill yourself.”

“....oh.”

The conversation paused yet again. Did Lance really think that he’d kill himself? Not like he hadn’t thought about it, he did for a couple days. But why would Lance care?

This time Keith broke the silence. “But weren’t we ‘rivals’? Why would he care about me back then, we hardly knew each other.”

Hunk chuckled. “You still are rivals, according to Lance. That doesn't mean he didn't care about you. I think deep inside he thought of you a friend. Maybe he was too scared to open up that he decided to push you away.” He laughed out loud. “But look at you two now! Good friends. Space Ranger Partners. It's nice. I'm happy for you, Keith.”

“You’re acting like we just got married.”

Hunk laughed again. “I wouldn't be surprised.”

Heat rose to his cheeks. “Oh my god Hunk, you sound like Pidge! Please never say that again, you’re making me sick.”

Humor crept into Hunk's voice. “I swear if I’m not Best Man I will sue. Wait, scratch that, I’ll just not cater your wedding.”

Keith crashed a pillow into his face to keep him from screaming. “ _Shut up_ , it’s never gonna happen. My standards are too high for someone like him.”

“Wow, rude. Don’t let him hear that, he’d probably cry.”

“Like I care.”

Hunk faked a gasp. “ _Keith Kogane!_ How _dare_ you say that about your fiancé! What if he heard you? We’d have to cancel the wedding! And what a shame that would be, I have this amazing strawberry angel food cake recipe that I am just dying to try out-”

“I think we should focus on bringing him home first.” Keith needed to steer the conversation back to what was important and away from the teasing. 

“Yeah, we should probably do that. We can wait until afterward to plan the wedding.”

Keith groaned loudly. “ _Hush up_ , we have to serious. Did you tell Pidge what's going on? She can probably hack into his phone or something and find him."

"Good thinking, I should probably do that. Watch the video?”

"Watching the video.”

Hunk breathed out in relief. "Thanks, Keith." 

"No problem, Hunk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will most likely be posted tomorrow, but after that, you might have to wait a few days for a new chapter! It only takes a day to edit and add on to what I have already written, but it takes a day for me to write down my ideas, another to polish them up, and then one more for me to add on to it. I like each chapter to be +2000 words. This one's slightly shorter than the other chapter, sorry about that.


	3. Never Going Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Keith watches Lance's video and learns the reason why he ran away.

Keith sighed and flopped down on his bed after Hunk hung up the phone. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down. So this wasn’t a joke. It was real.

Maybe it was a dream? A really bad dream. A nightmare.

He pinched himself until his skin turned white. Nope, definitely not a dream.

He could still hardly believe it. Lance McClain’s mother, Mrs. McClain, Lance’s favorite person in the entire world, _slapped him_. That was an anomaly, something like that didn’t just happen without a reason. And it had to be a damn good reason. Mrs. McClain was the sweetest woman Keith had ever met. He hoped with all his heart that he’d find out what happened in the video. He took a deep breath, sat up, and pressed play.

“Keith…I ran away.”

Lance held his arms tighter to his chest and looked away from the camera.

“Things are….not good at home. Everyone used to be so happy, my family was so relieved that I was back. You were there when I reunited them. All of us crying outside my house, just one huge happy mess. Remember my mom squeezing the life out of you? Your face was so red!”

Lance laughed. Keith smiled, he had missed that sound. And he remembered that day. After defeating most of the Galra Empire, the Paladins were allowed to finally rest and go home. Their job was not done, obviously. There were still some Galra operatives and colonies, but their line of successors and more than three-quarters of the empire were gone. Zarkon, Haggar, and Lotor were defeated and Allura had decided that the Paladins were in need of a break. Perhaps retirement. After fighting for the universe for 2 years, they deserved at least a few months rest. From there they would decide if Voltron was still necessary.

Keith expected that the rest of the team would never want to go back into space ever again. They spent over a year fighting an evil galactic empire, the taste of blood in their mouths, their feet aching from running, their heads throbbing from the pain. Any sensible person would never want to go back up there after all that. He was wrong. Sure enough, all of the Paladins decided to return to their studies in the Garrison (excluding Shiro who was going back to work not study). That gave them the summer to just breathe. And remember.

The second they touched Earth’s atmosphere, Lance had forced the entire team to come with him to see his family after they finished their business with being missing and presumed dead, of course. Everyone else was ecstatic. Hunk was practically a part of the family, he had known them for years after befriending Lance. Pidge didn’t know much about his family, but when Lance said he’d give a tour of his home town, she was bouncing up and down with excitement to visit Cuba, with all its retro machinery. And Lance’s family idolized Shiro. How could they not, Shiro had saved his father’s life. 

A few years ago Mr. McClain, a cargo pilot, was on his last delivery for the night. He was told to drop off some supplies at the Galaxy Garrison from Cuba, but there was a malfunction in the plane’s engine. Suddenly smoke was coming from the hood of his vehicle and he was going down. Way down. He was falling from the sky, about to crash a few thousand feet into the canyons below. Lance’s dad immediately tried to maneuver the plane upward, but when that failed he unbuckled his seat belt and reached for his parachute. But then he looked down at the ground drawing closer and closer. He froze up, unable to move. He was going to die, never to see his family again. There was nothing he could do. 

And then here comes Takashi Shirogane, a junior at the Galaxy Garrison, flying an actual plane, not a simulation, for one of the first times in his life with his instructor. He spied this fiery falling ship about to crash into a canyon and do you know what he did? He went against orders and _steered straight towards it_. Shiro piloted the plane so that it is also in a nosedive, about a few feet away from Mr. McClain’s. He handed the wheel to the instructor and unbuckled his seatbelt. Kicking the door down, he reached out for the man’s hand to help him to safety. But for Lance’s dad, it felt like his feet were glued onto the burning ship. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He was stuck. And they were running out of time. 

So Shiro jumped into the plane. To his instructor’s disbelief, he took him by the waist and secured the parachute onto both of them. Without hesitation, Shiro pushed them both out of the nearly destroyed ship. 

They survived, thanks to the parachute and Shiro’s quick thinking. His instructor had freaked out, landing her plane quickly at the Garrison and calling a search party for them. They were found safe, Shiro carrying an unconscious Mr. McClain away from the crash. He was proclaimed a hero at the Garrison, which had started his growing popular reputation. The McClain family tearfully thanked him for saving their father. They drowned him in hugs and tears, and for the first time in so long, Shiro felt like he had a family. 

He was more than happy to see them again. 

Everyone had a reason to be excited to go to Cuba. Except for Keith. He was hesitant, was it a good idea? He was not good at meeting new people. What if he made a fool of himself? What if Lance’s family judged him? What if they hated him? But seeing Lance run to greet his parents for the first time in a year changed his mind. Watching Lance’s mother cover her mouth and sob, reaching to touch her son’s face, his father suffocating him in a tight hug, and his siblings squeezing him, it all felt so warm and supportive. And totally out of Keith’s element.

Nonetheless, Lance’s family forced him and the rest of the group to join in on the love and there they stayed for a while, hugging and crying. Mrs. and Mr. McLain tearfully thanking Shiro for keeping their little boy safe in space, with Lance whining in the background, only for him to deny it, saying that _Lance_ and the other paladins _saved his life_. The pride that radiated off Lance’s parents was endearing as they ran to hug their son a second time. They shared stories about their adventures in space with everyone. Lance’s siblings pinched his cheeks and said how much their little baby had grown. His nieces and nephews climbed on top of him and smothered him in kisses before Lance helped them recreate a scene of one of the battles. Keith never knew he could laugh that hard or smile that much. It was a good day.

Lance wiped away a tear. “Oh my god. And when Hunk had to pretend to be the Yellow Lion for my nephew?” He fell down on his bed cracking up. “Ah, that was hilarious! I don’t remember the last time we were all so happy. When _I_ was that happy.” His smile faded away as he sat up.

“And then….things changed after you guys left. A couple days into my visit, my family got scared. Paranoid. To see me leave again. Because what if I went missing again? How long would it take for me to come back this time? What if I never came back? And that was only because I wanted to leave the house alone. Then I told them I was coming back to America and we had a fight.”

He shrugged. “It wasn’t that serious, or at least, I thought it wasn’t. We’ve had arguments before, nothing too big. Just my mom telling me I wasn’t allowed to go back. My dad agreeing. I told them I was allowed to finish my education and that it was the safest school available for me. Then they reminded me that it got me abducted into space, which was true.” 

Lance laughed dryly, for only a second Keith could see the pain in his eyes. But he saw it. “I said that I already accepted my invitation to return to the Garrison. I already filled out the paperwork. And they said…they said to drop out. Stay home.”

He shook his head. “I never thought the day would come when my parents told me to drop out of school. They’ve always pressured me to be the best, you know? Ever since I was a kid it’s been, _get the best grades, be the best in your class, win every single game, and then you can succeed_. I’ve thought about this constantly growing up. All my life I’ve lived by this. And now? They just want me to drop out?”

Lance paused for a moment and then laughed spontaneously. “Then I told them that I was going back into space and they, well, freaked out.”

_No shit Sherlock._

“They didn’t like the idea of me going back to the Garrison and hated the thought of me piloting the Blue Lion again or forming Voltron. ‘Too dangerous,’ they said. ‘Leave it to someone who knows what they are doing’. ‘The universe doesn’t need you defending them.’ ‘Someone else could do a better job.’” Lance winced and hugged himself even tighter.

“I don’t think they were trying to be mean or anything, maybe I’m just being too sensitive? I don’t know. I tried to defend myself. I said that the universe does need me, that I was doing a good job and that it was the right thing to do to go back out there, and then they-”

He self-consciously rubbed his cheek and lowered his eyes to the ground in shame. Keith held in a breath and clutched his phone.

“….things escalated pretty quickly.”

Lance shook his head and kept it down, away from the camera. “I just…I….” He bit his lip. “I just don’t know what’s going on. This isn’t like my family, they don't….” 

His voice cracked with emotion. He stopped to wipe his watering eyes. Keith could see him breathing rapidly, as though he was about to break at any second. In a shaky, unstable tone he continued. “They don’t act this way. I know why they’re upset, but….”

He took a deep breath and faced the screen. “This is _my_ choice. Shouldn’t I be able to make it?” he said in a small voice. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at the ceiling.

“The universe needs us, Keith. Even if we defeated most of the Galra Empire, there are so many other galaxies in the universe that still need to be freed. I’m not going to let them down. So I fought back. Probably not my smartest idea. But I told them that I needed to go back. That people depended on me and that no matter what they weren’t going to stop me from doing what was right. What needed to be done. And so…”

He turned around and reached into a backpack behind him, pulling out a small bag. He emptied it into his hands and moved them toward the camera so Keith could see.

Keith gasped. That couldn’t be-

“Yeah. My parents weren’t really ah _cool_ with the idea.” He laughed without a trace of humor in his voice. “So the communicator for the Blue Lion that Allura gave us before we left? This is it.”

Keith stared at the crumbled broken pieces of machinery in his hands. They were smashed into little silver and aqua bits, no hope of ever being fixed. They looked like the remains of a broken dream.

“They took it. And broke it. They just ripped it out of my hands and threw it on the ground. Told me never to talk to them again. Never to go back into space. I…I couldn’t believe it. That was the last straw, Keith. This had everything in it. Now I can’t call Blue or Allura or Coran....” He was starting to shake. 

Keith could understand why he was upset. In their time in space, Coran and Allura had grown to become more than just advisors and friends. They were family. And Lance knew what it was like to miss his family.

He clenched his fists and steadied himself. “I didn’t know what to do afterward. I….I just couldn’t take it anymore. I left. Just walked away from the conversation. There was nothing left to be said.” 

He pushed his hair out of his eyes and clutched the side of his head. “I ran to my room, slammed the door shut and locked it. I thought I would just stay in there for a while, wait until we calmed down. I was sure it would all just die down. But it didn't. The day after they still didn’t let me leave the house. Or the next day or the day after that….” There was a pause.

“Am I being insensitive?” he whispered. “They just found their lost son after all, is this normal? Should they be this protective over me after all that happened? Is it my fault? I put them through this after all.” He looked down at his hands. Keith noticed the calluses and scars that covered them. They’ve been through so much. 

“I’m 18. I’m technically an adult. I saved the fucking universe. I should be able to take care of myself. I don’t need them babying over me. I should be able to make my own decisions and do what I think is right. I…I’m not a kid anymore.” He said it softly, with a touch of sadness in his voice. He paused again to reflect on what he had just said.

“Anyway, I felt trapped. I guess I was getting claustrophobic. I needed a break from just everything. I didn’t want to wait anymore. So I packed up my stuff and-”

Suddenly a glimpse of the old Lance was back. His distressed, tear stained face stretched out into a smile and burst out laughing. 

“And _I jumped out of the window_! Oh my god, I did a _Keith_ I jumped out of the window with my backpack full of whatever and just _ran_. Didn’t know where I was going and what I was doing, I just knew I needed to get out of that house.”

Lance shook his head and grinned painfully.

“And I’m never going back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this was late! I was busy with homework and writer's block was killing me. :(((
> 
> This was all I had written down so far. There might be a bit of a wait until the next chapter, but I'll try to update it at least once a week I think every Sunday? Hopefully. Wish me luck!
> 
> Also this doesn't look like it, but it's the longest, wordiest chapter so far. Wowie.


	4. I Miss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some tears are shed as Lance reveals a little bit more about his thoughts.

There was a small pause in the video where Lance stayed eerily still, hugging his shoulders and taking deep breaths. He gathered his thoughts up and wove them into words. When he finally spoke, he did in a low mutter.

“I’m sorry for messaging you, Keith.” He looked away at the camera and rubbed his nose. The lighting of the room reflected off his watery blue eyes and made his developing tears shine.

 _How could you be sorry?_ Keith wondered. There was nothing to be sorry about. If anything, he was sorry for _him_. For all the shit that was going on in his life. Lance didn't deserve this. No one did.

“You probably hate me right now. I'm being selfish, right? Complaining about my problems but never listening to yours? You’ve been through more than I ever will. I guess I’m….I’m sorry.” His voice cracked with emotion. 

It wasn't that Lance never listened. It was that Keith never shared.

He hurriedly wiped away his falling tears. 

“My problem isn't even that big compared to all of what you’ve been through….maybe I'm just being too sensitive.” He let a small smile escape his sad demeanor. 

“I always was a big crybaby.” He chuckled to himself, only for it to grow into a small sob.

“After all my crying and whining to see my family….I abandon them after only a week. God knows where they think I am right now. I don't even know where I am.”

He tucked his legs to his chest and hugged them, resting his head on his knees. 

“My parents must hate me right now. I just came back, they didn’t want me to leave, and then I left! What kind of son am I? They deserve so much better.”

It was Lance who deserved better parents, Keith wanted to think. But he knew it was wrong. Mr. and Mrs. McClain were…over-protective. But they had a reason. He wasn’t just going to ignore that. They’re dead son just came back to them. They never wanted to let him go again. Keith knew what that felt like. They weren’t bad people. They just made a bad choice.

“And don't get me started on my nieces and nephews.”

He squished his cheeks and pouted.

“They probably talked to Hunk by the time you get this video. He’s probably worried sick. Calling everyone. Looking for me. Crying.”

A thought dawned on Lance.

“Oh my god.”

He fell on his side, rolled over onto his back, and faced the ceiling, arms spread wide open. 

“I made Hunk cry.”

His eyes were squeezed tightly shut with regret. He brought his hands to his face and cupped them over his eyes.

“This was a bad idea, wasn't it?”

It sure was. Then again, they were both no strangers to bad ideas.

He looked through the tiny gaps of his fingers at the camera, like a little puppy looking through a window. In a small, almost hushed, voice, Lance said one single word that made his heart melt.

“Keith?”

He had said his name before, obviously. But somehow, it was different this time. The way he said it with so much insecurity and hesitation. His bright blue eyes peering into his own, swollen and red from crying, so unsure and scared. His striped blue and white t-shirt drifting upward to slightly expose his midriff. Hair tousled and messy, but still perfect at the same time. Nose and tear stained cheeks bright pink from being rubbed too hard. Lips pouting slightly, soft and pink.

Keith gripped the part of his shirt that covered his heart. He felt some sort of flutter, something that had happened before. He didn't know if it was good or bad. It was small. Soft. Warm. And painful. He pushed it down. Now was not the time.

Lance continued after a pause of uncertainty.

“.... _I miss you_.”

What?

Keith’s phone slipped out of his fingers yet again and he fumbled to catch it. His face burned. Did Lance, _Lance_ , really say he missed him? 

“I didn’t think I would, but I do.” Lance brushed his hair back, away from his eyes and gave the camera a sheepish smile. “I miss you, Keith.”

He was speechless. 

Even though Lance was laying down, he could see the smirk growing on his face. “I miss making fun of your mullet.”

A laugh escaped his throat. A joke. Typical. He should have known. 

Lance’s smirk grew into a fond grin. “If we were in person, you'd probably yell at me and tell me to go home. Bite my head off. We would have this big argument, leading to some head butting and intense staring.”

He laughed loudly and dazedly smiled at the sky. He closed his eyes and sighed.

“I never thought I’d miss us fighting.”

Keith didn't either. 

“And I know I know,” Lance held up his hands in defense. “We talk every day. We text and Skype and all that but still. It's different.”

Keith let out a small sigh. Yeah, it was. This little phone screen and its shitty speaker were nothing compared to seeing Lance in person. If anything, it was even more annoying than him. And that was saying something.

Lance dropped his hands back onto the bed and looked back at the sky. “Do you miss me?”

Where was this coming from?

No. Obviously not. Pffft. As if. 

Shit.

As much as Keith hated to admit it, he did. He really did. It had been so long since he felt this alone. He was used to always having someone to talk to. Someone to eat with him during their meals. A person to train with and spar against. Someone to comfort him when he was upset. But now, life was back to normal. In this empty little apartment. Eating alone. Training by himself. No one to hold him when he remembered those nights at war. He was alone.

Life without Lance, or the team, wasn’t good for him. He missed having a family. 

Lance exhaled sadly and rolled back onto his side to face the camera. He crossed his arms and brought his knees to his chest. “I don't think you do. I wouldn't be surprised if you never want to see me again.”

Why would he ever think that? Of course, Keith wanted to see Lance again. They were friends after all.

“After all the fighting. The yelling. The arguing. We hated each other. We still hate each other.”

Keith thought back to their “rivalry”. He never hated Lance. Didn't like him at first, obviously, but he never hated him. It was more of a competitive streak. He just never could back out of a challenge. And Lance sure was a challenge.

“At least….you hate me.”

Lance was an idiot. Arrogant. Loud. Conceited. Committed. Determined. Exciting.

Keith could never hate him, no matter how hard he tried.

“I never meant what I said. About hating you.”

That was a surprise. Lance never missed an opportunity to exclaim to the world how much he loathed Keith.

“You’re an ass sure. Angry all the time. Such a loner. So emo. But not a bad guy.”

….was that supposed to be a compliment?

“I didn’t mean it when I said you were a terrible leader.”

Lance laughed. “Nevermind, that's a lie. You were really bad at leading in the beginning.”

Keith let out a low groan. Yeah, yeah, he was a bad leader. It wasn't like Lance told him that every day.

His face softened and his laugh faded into a fond smile. “But you learned. You…grew up. We all did.”

Lance pushed his legs against the wall, playfully kicking them in the air. He absentmindedly fiddled with the ends of his t-shirt.

“You became our leader. A good one. Hotheaded, but you stuck to the mission and you did what was best for the team. Got us into some trouble, sure. But you always got us out of it.”

Keith almost smiled. It wasn't often that Lance would be so genuine and kind to him. Under different circumstances, he would have been quite happy.

Then, Lance stopped playing with his legs and stood still, serious and steady. 

“You saved my life, Keith. I'm sorry I don't thank you enough for it.”

He didn't need to say sorry. Lance had saved his life numerous times and so did the others. No thanking was necessary. It's what they did.

But Lance was deeply upset about this. He wiped his eyes quickly with his hand before continuing. “You saved me in so many ways. You….made me realize that I wasn't useless. That I was a necessary part of the team. That I was needed and wanted….and loved…I could never thank you enough for that, Keith. I don't know what I would have done.”

…This was the first time Keith heard about this. He remembered the day they confronted his self-worth issues. How could he not? Lance had almost died.

He was always level minded. He wasn't reckless, he thought before each decision (albeit quickly) but was bold and confident in his actions. Literally the opposite of Keith. That's why they worked so well together. Lance would hold Keith back when it became necessary and Keith would push him forward. Their duo had worked perfectly. Until Lance started acting differently.

It wasn't noticeable at first. He was just…distant. His smile was strained, his laugh forced. The sparkle in his eyes just wasn’t there. The witty remarks and comments slowly faded into the past. Silence replaced it. 

Keith knew something was up. He didn’t know how he knew, but every being in his body was telling him Lance needed help. But he was too afraid to talk about it with him. His first attempt at comforting him was….interesting to say the least. He never knew what to say, how to react, what to feel. Feelings weren't Keith’s strong point.

As time went on, Lance kept acting being weird. Well, weirder than usual. And Keith just watched from the distance, afraid of making it worse.

Then Lance got shot. 

And Keith decided to stop waiting.

The moment he got out of that cryo-pod, he was met with an angry Keith. An emotionally unstable Keith. Who wasn’t sure what he was feeling; upset, frustrated, hurt, scared, or whatever. He just knew that none of this was okay.

There was a lot of yelling. Mainly from him. Yelling at Lance for not being more careful. For not looking out for himself. For almost dying. 

Before he knew it, he was weeping. Shaking, panting, and sobbing. But Lance looked indifferent. How could he not feel anything? He almost died out there. He could have been gone forever, never to see his family again. But Lance looked like he felt nothing.

“It’s not like you guys would need me,” was what he whispered in defense.

That was enough to send another wave of tears down his cheeks.

The yelling continued. Keith screamed until his throat burned. Lance needed to know how much the team valued him. How much Keith valued him.

He remembered it all. Everything he kept bottled up just exploded, the little things he would notice about Lance, his kindness, generosity, and perfect aim. He was their sharpshooter, the glue that kept the team together. And he laid it all down for Lance to take in.

Keith had never seen anyone so happy while crying before.

That day meant a lot to him. But he honestly never knew how much it meant to Lance. He was touched, to say the least. 

Lance let out a small sigh. “But you probably don't want to see me. With all my crying and whining and shit. That's okay. I wouldn't really want to see me either right now.”

He couldn't be more wrong. There was nothing more that Keith wanted at that moment than to phase through the screen and give the boy a hug.

“I don't know where I'm am, why I'm here, or where I’ll go. I just know…I'm gonna need you. Your advice is questionable, to say the least, and you don't always do what’s best, but there's no one I'd rather ask for help.”

Slowly, he sat up on the bed and sadly smiled at the camera. 

“You’ve saved me before and you’ll save me again.”

He shrugged his shoulders and smirked.

“That's just what you do.”

His cheeks felt damp. Keith let go of one side of the phone to touch his face. Was he....crying?

Lance cupped his hands together and squeezed them. Looking down at the bed, he continued in a shaky tone.

“Please. Tell me what to do…I just want everything to be okay again.”

He took a deep breath and exhaled softly. 

“I want to be okay again.”

He wiped his eyes a final time and whispered to the camera, a faint smile on his face.

“Goodbye, Keith.”

The screen went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On time for once in my life. Not as sad as the last one.  
>  ~~Keith, your gay is showing.~~
> 
> I'm gonna keep trying to update at least every Sunday. This chapter was a little rushed cuz I've been busy lately. Hope you still enjoyed it tho!


	5. I Think I Miss You Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith decides to call him back.

That was it.

Keith was silent. He sat there, on his bed, cradling his phone. The room was disgustingly quiet without the sound of Lance’s voice echoing off the walls. 

He didn't know what to do next. So he kept sitting still, listening to only the beat of his heart.

The feeling in his chest was indescribable. It felt hollow and empty, but heavy and full at the same time. It hurt, but the pain was cloudy and blurred. 

What was this feeling? Sympathy? Pity? Yearning-

Yearning. Oh god. For what? Why? There was nothing to yearn for. Except for Lance to come back. But that wasn't yearning. Yearning is the intense feeling of longing for something. Keith wasn't yearning for Lance. Why would he? What was there to yearn for? His company? His friendship? His positive atmosphere and warm presence that made everything seem okay? Nah.

He was missing him. Yes that was it. A lot different from yearning, that word…...makes it sound like he was _pining_ for him or even worse, _craving_. Oh god. Keith hated that word.

Nevermind that, Keith decided. He needed to do something. Anything. Sitting alone in a room feeling sad, that's not who he was now. There was no time for that. He needed to find Lance.

But he just finished watching the video, shouldn't he call Hunk? 

Calling Hunk was important. But so was helping Lance. Lance had been waiting for a response for over an hour now. What if something happened? What if it was too late? 

Keith gave in. He needed to make sure Lance was still okay first. Everything else could wait.

As he scrolled for his contact and pressed the call button, his hands shook. What if there was no response? What if he didn't pick up? What if he started crying right then and there? What would he even say? 

He hadn't thought it through. He had no advice for Lance. He just wanted him to come back home. 

Pressing the phone to his ear, Keith shut his eyes tight, praying that there would be a response. But he wasn't ready to hear Lance’s voice. His hands gripped his blanket, his fingers growing white. His breaths shortened and quickened, matching the fast thumping of his heart.

It rang once.

Twice.

Three times.

Please.

Four times.

Five times.

Six times.

Lance wasn't going to pick up.

He was right. By the ninth ring the call was transferred to voicemail. It pissed Keith off, didn't Lance want advice? Why didn't he respond? Then the automated message played.

“Hey this is Lance, Defender of the Universe, Paladin of Voltron, Pilot of The Blue Lion, Sharp Shooter, Edgy Ninja.”

He almost started crying right then and there. Lance sounded so happy and carefree, his voice flirty and smooth. Keith would give anything for him to be like this again. 

“I’m probably away, saving the universe and all that. Either that or you’re Keith and I don't want to talk to you.”

Wow. Suddenly that heartfelt moment with the video just faded away. What an ass.

“If you need some saving or want to go on a date, leave a message at the beep! Bye!”

The beep went off in his ear, loud and clear.

Shit. What to say, what to say.

He took a deep breath.

“Lance.” His voice came out ragged and heavy. 

“You….you’re….”

Keith couldn't find the word. Bastard wasn't the right tone he was looking for. Idiot was overdone. What should he say? He wasn't ready for this. Time to wing it. 

“You’re my friend. And I don't hate you. I can’t hate you even though I really, really want to right now.”

He bit his lip and played with his hair.

“I hate that you’re upset.

That you ran away from your problems.

And that I can't be there for you while you’re crying.”

He was doing it all wrong again. This was just like the first time Lance came to his bedroom to talk. Keith wasn't used to having someone ask for help from him and messed up in the process, giving Lance vague and meaningless advice. What would he want to hear? What was he doing? He dug his nails into his arm, scraping the skin and almost drawing blood. 

His face felt wet. Without even realizing it, tears were dripping down his face. His cheeks burned with embarrassment, he never cried. Only Lance could make him be like this.

Keith wiped his eyes angrily. He needed to stop. “God damn it Lance you made me cry,” he sobbed, hugging his chest.

Deep breaths. He needed to calm down. Change the topic.

“You don't need to be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong.”

Oh no. Wrong topic. This was going to make Keith cry even more, the very thing he was trying to avoid.

“I'm the one who’s sorry. Everything that happened….I wish I could have stopped it. You didn't deserve that. Lance, you deserve to be happy. It's the reason you went back to your family after all. And the whole experience was making you upset. It's okay that you walked away from it.”

He shrugged.

“I mean you didn't have to run away, you could have just called me from your room, your parents wouldn't be worried, Hunk wouldn't be crying, everything would have just been easier if you just stayed home-”

He realized what he was saying.

“....fuck.”

Shit shit shit oh god.

That came out wrong. 

No. That _was_ wrong.

He didn't mean to say _that_ it just came out. Even more tears rushed down his cheeks. He was such an _idiot_. After everything Lance just went through, the last thing he deserved was for Keith to yell at him. He cringed and kicked himself. He was messing up _again_. 

“....Oh my god. Lance. Forget what I just said, I'm sorry that wasn’t right. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me I'm just…..”

He rubbed his swollen eyes. It felt like he hadn't slept in ages.

“....I’m just tired Lance. I'm so tired and worried and sad and scared and-and…”

At this point Keith was rambling. The bottled up emotions were starting to pour out. It was so much easier to talk to nothing than to Lance. Maybe this was why he sent a video and didn't call him. It was so difficult to put his feelings into words around the guy. But when talking to nothing, everything just spilled out. Before Keith knew it, he was crying again.

“....a-and I'm so _so_ angry at you for not telling me sooner. If this whole thing started a few days ago why didn't you call me then? Why did you wait until the last minute? God damn it Lance!”

He squeezed his arm again. Deep breaths. Keep his emotions under control.

He was failing horribly.

“I’m sorry.”

He sniffed and wiped his nose. 

“I'm sorry I shouldn't yell at you after everything that happened. Oh my god. I'm sorry I’m so so sorry.”

Tears dripped from his cheeks and fell onto his legs. God damn it. He was a waterfall.

“I'm such a bad friend. I can't comfort you without yelling and insulting.”

This was no surprise. Keith was always the worst with emotions. Either he didn't show them at all, or they exploded. That wasn't right. That wasn't healthy. He wasn't good at this.

“I'm no help Lance, I can't help anyone. That's what you always did.”

Lance was the emotional guy on the ship. If someone was upset, he was the guy to go to to make someone feel better. For a joke or a cheesy pun. For hugs and compliments. Someone to go to when you want to smile. When you want to feel loved. 

Keith felt like he was the opposite.

“Lance…”

Keith closed his eyes and looked out his window into the world. 

“....where the hell are you?”

He could be anywhere by now. Doing anything. 

He could be dead.

Keith choked the tears back.

“Y-you usually aren't reckless like this. You don't just run away with no directions or a plan. That's what I used do. And you know it didn't work.”

It was what he did in the beginning when leading Voltron. He went on his own with no plan or instructions to defeat Lotor, only to separate the team. Lance was the one who brought him to his senses, reasoned with him and comforted him. He should have known that reckless decisions never solve anything, they only make things worse. He was the one who saw it first hand after all.

Lance was always there for Keith to keep him in check. It had been like that since the beginning. Now it was Keith’s turn.

He shakily inhaled and summoned his courage.

“Lance….I-”

He paused to accept his feelings.

“....I think I miss you too.”

Keith was lying. He didn't _think_ he missed Lance. He knew. 

“Us fighting. Working side by side. Doing stupid shit.”

He laughed bitterly.

“We’re a good team.”

 _Wish we stayed one_.

Smoothing his hair with his head, he fell back into bed.

“....the point is, we’re all really worried about you.”

He took a deep breath and squeezed the phone.

“I'm really worried about you.”

What was he even saying oh god.

“Just….call back. We can talk then.”

He pressed the red end call button on his screen. Keith knew he needed to stop before he made things worse. He tossed the phone to the side and cupped his face in his hands. He screamed.

That was probably the worst attempt he had made to comfort Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive.
> 
> I disappeared for like.....2 months. I'm sorry ;-;. School is making me even more busy than I anticipated, plus I'm in this huge internet project called the PJO Animation Project that really takes up a whole lot of my time. I'm sorry for never adding chapters. 
> 
> This one's super short I'm sorry about that too. I'm gonna keep going though, because this is a lot of fun to write.


	6. Go Get Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello yes i'm alive

It was hard not to throw himself out the window. What was he thinking? He gripped the sides of his face and choked down a scream. This was so him, so Keith. Never knowing what to say, trying to be comforting and helpful, like Shiro, and just failing. He cringed and remembered everything he said in the message. He did his best. But was it enough? 

Suddenly, his phone rang in his lap, interrupting his thoughts. A certain little bird was trying to skype him. 

“Hello?” 

A familiar voice greeted him. “Keeeeeeith.”

A wild Pidgeon had appeared. Her coffee-cream colored hair, a messy bush like always, was pulled into a ponytail to keep it from drifting into her eyes. She sat behind her desk, rapidly typing away on her laptop. Mugs of coffee covered the surface of her desk, along with stacks of papers and books. Large bags hung underneath her eyes as if she hadn't slept since they returned to Earth. Knowing Pidge, she probably didn't. The moment she saw Keith on her phone’s screen she stuck out her tongue at him, and immediately pushed her attention elsewhere.

He rolled his eyes. “Hey, Pidge.”

Another voice boomed into his ear, this time low pitched and loud. “Keeeeeeeith.”

The screen split into two and Hunk popped into view. He also had bags under his eyes, which were swollen and red. He was standing in his kitchen, wearing an apron and holding a bowl of dough. Knowing Hunk, he baked when he was upset. 

“Hey, Hunk.”

“Hunkkkkkkkkk.” Pidge greeted him.

“Pidgeeeeeeee.” The two were so weird. Keith rolled his eyes. 

Hunk turned his attention to him. “Did you watch the video yet?”

“Yeah.”

Hunk set his bowl down and slammed his hands onto the counter, making the screen shake. “Well?!” he exclaimed.

Keith gritted his teeth. “He's not coming back.”

He sighed heavily, rubbing his flour-covered hands into his hair. “Where is he?”

“I don't know.” He looked away from his screen. He couldn’t bear to see Hunk like this. “He didn't say. I think he was in a hotel?”

Pidge bolted from her seat. “What did it look like?” 

“Um…” Keith stuttered. “White walls uh white sheets? I don’t know.”

“Send me a screenshot,” she ordered. Would Lance be comfortable with that? Too late. He was desperate to find him. Sorry, Lance. When she got the photo, she winced. “Damn, he looks rough.”

Hunk laughed dryly. “He would have preferred rugged and handsome, but rough works too.” She chuckled bitterly, then groaned.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” She slammed her head against her desk.

“What’s wrong?” Keith asked.

“There are, no joke, hundreds of hotels that match the photo. So I looked for people who might have checked in from the time he left home in that area, and yeah I found him. But he left an hour ago.”

Hunk scratched his head. “Maybe he didn’t go far?”

She shook her head. “But we still have no idea where he went.”

She gripped her temple. “What are we going to do?”

“Is there anything you can try? Maybe track his phone?” He didn’t know what to say; tech wasn’t his best subject. 

She shook her head. “It must be out of battery or turned off or I don’t know….it's not sending any signals that I can trace back. I could track where he sent the video from, but that would only work if I had your phone.”

Keith looked up excitedly. “You’re at the Garrison right?”

“No,” she sighed. “I’m on a last minute business trip with my dad, talking about his time in space and all that. We’re in New York right now, I should have told you guys. I’m sorry.” Pidge took off her glasses and wiped her eyes. She made a sound that seemed like a cough, but Keith knew she was trying not to cry. “God, if only I knew sooner...I could have stayed home and-”

Hunk rubbed his neck. “Don’t blame yourself, Pidge. No one could have known.”

Keith took a deep breath and slammed his head repeatedly against his pillow. “What the fuck are we going to do?”

Pidge pushed her glasses back into place and turned away from her phone screen. “I have no idea.”

They had no lead, no direction to follow. Lance was gone without a trace; how were they going to bring him back? What would they do if they couldn't? What if he di-

“Oh oh oh OH OH OH-” Pidge fell out of her chair, clutching her laptop. She hit the floor with a loud “thud”, jolting Keith back into reality.

“Jesus Christ, what the fuck Pidge-” 

Hunk reached out to his phone. “Pidge what’s wrong? Are you okay? DO YOU NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION-”

Pidge was still lying on the floor but Keith could see her wiggling her limbs in excitement. She jumped up and showed her laptop to the other two, her eyes wide and shining. “Do you see?”

Keith frowned. “No?”

She rolled her eyes and tapped away on the keys, instantly sending multiple links to articles. “I was checking the news to see if there was anything, anything at all, that could lead to Lance, ‘cause we all know he likes to make a scene, and look!”

Hunk pulled up the article and squinted his eyes as he read, “The….Lion Returns?”

Pidge beamed. “Yes! Look, all the articles mention seeing the Blue Lion or a weird object flying above the water. And I thought, ‘That’s weird.’ So I’m doing a little digging into some surveillance cameras around the coast of Lance’s hometown and-” She stopped typing and punched her fist into the air. “Nailed it!”

Keith was 100% confused at this point. “Wait so what happened?”

She showed her laptop to the boys once again, but this time Keith could see clear as day, a figure boarding the Blue Lion from a dock. His face was grim, his brown hair wavy and messy, his blue eyes red and swollen like in the video. But it was him. Keith gasped. “L-Lance?”

He could hear Hunk crying before he even saw him. “We can find him now! Just track the Blue Lion’s quintessence signature and then-”

“I’ll get him back.”

The two stared at him, then at each other. Pidge adjusted her glasses. “Keith…you two…..have a tendency to um….not get along whenever you see each other.”

He bit his lip. “Lance sent me a video. He said he needed….he needed me.” 

She took off her glasses and looked at him. He felt as though she was staring at his soul. “Keith, I know you miss him. We all do. But we have to think rationally-”

“I’m going,” he said as he got up from the bed. He dropped his phone on the mattress and walked over to his closet to put on his jacket. “You can’t stop me.”

“Keith, listen to me-” Her voice rose.

Hunk’s voice quavered. “Pidge, calm down, please-”

“You can’t just run off like this, we need a plan, we need-”

“Lance,” Keith whispered. Everyone stopped. His breathing was rapid and heavy, his chest heaved and his eyes were shut tightly. “We need Lance.” He turned to face the two. “Just tell me where to go, and I’ll get him. I know that we’re all worried and I know that all we do is fight, but I know what it's like to run away. Let me be there for him. Trust me.”

His eyes were damp as his voice cracked. “Please.”

Pidge looked away. She played with the frame of her glasses and breathed slowly. “I don’t want to lose anyone else….you understand?”

“I do.”

She exhaled and smiled reluctantly. “I guess I’ll get to work.”

Hunk held his hands together under his chest. “Bring him home, okay?”

Keith forced a smile. “Of course.”

“No funny business you two.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Keith gagged.

“Oh fuck off.” Hunk grinned and giggled at the sight of Keith’s flustered face. “This isn’t the time for this.”

Pidge let out a hum of confusion, interrupting the two. “Keith, Lance is-”

He lunged for his phone. “Where? TELL ME WHERE.”

“Do you remember the place we found the Blue Lion?”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Uh yeah, I think, why?” She cocked her head to the side and waited. “Oh.”

“Yeah, so he’s there. You can probably reach him a little after sunrise on your bike, but-”

“I have to be faster?”

She nodded. “Who knows if he could leave again, this time further away. And maybe not even on his lion.” Pidge typed furiously on her laptop. “I’ll send you the coordinates. You should contact Allura and try to get ahold of your lion. You’ll be needing her.” She looked up, her face grim and her eyes showing her stress and determination. “Go get him.”

“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the most unreliable author ever, sorry. School has had me so stressed and sleeping at like 3 am every day. I have returned, and I am 100% determined to finish this. If you still read this, I commend you.


	7. Hey Princess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah another update

This was a terrible time for Keith to lose his keys.

He dug through his pockets and rummaged through the furniture. Where the fuck were they? He knew Shiro would murder him if he didn't lock the door before he left. Well, maybe not murder him but a strong talking to would be inevitable. Then again, he wouldn’t be home for two-three weeks. He’d never know if Keith came back before anyone could have gone inside…. 

At last, he found them underneath the couch, lying beside his communicator. Smiling triumphantly, he pulled them both out. His smile faded when he realized that Allura had been trying to contact him for an hour. He braced himself for a lecture and called her.

“Hey, Princess-”

“KEITH,” She screamed. Through the communicator’s screen, he could see her pounce at the device. Her expression was frantic; her eyes darting across the screen. “Thank heavens you finally picked up, we were getting worried!”

“Why?” Stupid question.

“The Blue Lion left the castle. I’m trying to bring her home but-”

He grimaced; he should have known Allura would have called if one of the lions had gone missing. “Lance has her.” 

Her eyes widened. “Lance? Why didn't he call me? Did something happen?”

Keith ran his hands through his hair. Was he supposed to tell her? Allura was currently in an intergalactic diplomatic meeting with the leaders of multiple galaxies. She was stressed enough as it was, Keith could see that. Wouldn’t this just make it worse? “Everything is fine,” he lied. “Lance just broke his communicator-”

“Broke his communicator? Keith, that's serious, where are you, I’ll-”

“It’s okay Princess,” he interrupted, forcing a smile. “Everything is okay.”

She frowned at him. “Keith.” Allura took a breath and shook her head. “You’re a terrible liar. I can see your eyes, Keith. What’s wrong?”

He looked away. “Nothing’s wrong. Lance has Blue, and I’ll tell you why later. I just need Red for the night and everything will be okay.”

“Are you sure?” Her eyes glowed with concern.

“Positive,” he said, cold and stoic.

“You know I'm here if you need me, Keith.” He sighed. Everything around him was changing, it always was, but the Princess stayed the same. Kind and trustful. 

“I know.” He gritted his teeth. “I know. I-I….” He took a deep breath.

“Hey.” She gripped her screen as if gripping his hands. “Hey, hey. Keith-”

“I-I don't know. I don’t know anything.” He took a shaky breath. “Please, just send Red. Trust me.”

“Alright,” she said, reluctantly. “I trust you. I’ll send her. But we’re a few galaxies away, it’s going to take some time.”

He cursed. Fuck, that was what he didn’t have: time. He wasn’t going to make it. Lance was going to leave before he could help him. He’d be too late. Just like always. 

He breathed. It's okay. He was okay. Lance would leave on the Blue Lion. He could chase him down. It's fine. 

But what if he left didn’t leave again on the Blue Lion? What if he left on foot? What if he’s in the desert, alone and dying of hunger or thirst or loneliness-

His mind was racing. Placing the communicator on the coffee table, he sat down on the couch and tried to breathe. He knew he was of course, but it felt like he was drowning. He clawed at his throat as he suffocate from the thoughts in his head fighting each other and his mind. Keith squeezed his hands against the sides of his head. He needed to breathe. To be in control. To stop thinking. He could hear Allura calling for him, but she sounded so far away until she was screaming his name.

“KEITH!” 

“I’m sorry…” he mumbled. “Sorry, sorry. What is it, Princess?” he whispered breathlessly, looking up.

“God Keith.” She cupped her hands over her face. “Don't scare me like that. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” 

“Keith.” She took a deep breath and composed herself. “You don't look fine. Your eyes….you’ve been crying, haven't you?”

Shit. He turned away from her and wiped them with the back of his hand. This was a bad idea. “Please just tell me what’s wrong,” she said through the screen. “You want to help Lance. I do too. But I also want to help you. Please, you can talk to me.”

“When’s Red coming?” he asked, dodging the question.

“I sent for her five dobooshes ago. She should be there in less than a varga.” Allura frowned. “But you didn't answer my question. Now, tell me. What happened? What’s going on?”

He bit his lip. She looked at him, her eyes shining with concern. “Would you like me to call for your mother?” she said softly. “I know she misses you dearly. Maybe she can help.”

He shook his head rapidly. Keith called his mom every day or at least as often as he could. He loved being with her after not knowing her for most of his life. She asked him if he would want to travel the cosmos together, but he had decided to stay on Earth. He couldn't make her stay with him; he knew how much it pained her to be on the planet without his father. Of course, she wasn't going to leave her baby boy alone forever. For now, she would finish her business in the Blade of Marmora, working closely alongside Allura, Coran, and Romelle while Keith lived on Earth and finished his studies.

Thinking it over, he didn't know why he chose to do so. What kept him tied to this place? He certainly didn't need to finish his education at the Garrison;  
he was already an expert pilot. He thought about it for a second. Shiro was the most probable answer. Keeping Shiro safe, healthy, and happy, especially after everything they have been through, was one of Keith’s top priorities. Of course, he was a major reason to why he stayed. But to his surprise, his mind also drifted to Lance. Well, he thought of all his friends. Not just him. Obviously. But Lance stuck out in his mind, he couldn't help it. He was the first to announce he was going to stay on Earth, to which everyone, including Keith, had followed and agreed. Earth was his home.

He focused his attention back on Allura. “I’d rather my mom not know about this yet.”

She paused for a second. “Is it…about boys?”

He backed up quickly. “What? No! Allura! Why would you ask that?! I'm being serious here!”

“I am too!” She smiled despite herself. “Your mother would be more qualified for talking about, er, boys. I don't have much experience in that department-”

“What about Lotor?” He couldn't help but tease. It had been a while since the betrayal of Lotor, and Allura had gotten over him since. Her time with him had become the fuel of playful jokes made by her and the Voltron crew. Still, any sudden mention of him could make her embarrassed. 

She glared at him intensely. “We do not speak of him, it was a dark time.”

“What about Lance?”

She wiggled her eyebrows. “What about Lance?” 

His face felt hot. He scoffed. “....I am not talking about boys with my mom.”

“So it is about boys.” She smiled triumphantly before it faded back to concern. “Please tell me what's wrong Keith. The sooner you tell me the sooner I can help.”

Keith sighed. He freed himself from the tight ball he had wrapped himself into and knitted his hands together. It wasn't like he had something to do as he waited for Red. He was about to explain everything.

 

~

“So….” The princess stuttered. 

“Yeah.”

“What are you going to do now?” She asked quietly. That was what he was thinking.

“Well, obviously I have to go get him but….”

“But?”

He sighed. “I told Hunk and Pidge that I have to do this, but I don’t really know how to; if that makes any sense.” He closed his eyes. “Why did I think I can bring him back?”

“Because you can.”

He looked into her eyes. She had said it so honestly and with so much certainty, he could have sworn she was talking about someone else. Anyone but Keith. “How?”

“You said it yourself. He needs you. Talk to him, he’ll listen.”

“He’d listen if it was Hunk or Pidge.”

“He’d listen to them because they’re his friends. You are too.”

“What if he doesn’t think that?”

She glared at him and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Keith you’re being an idiot.”

“Hey-”

“Why would he send you that video if he wasn’t your friend? He said he missed you. Keith, he said he needed you. Why would he say that if you weren't friends?” 

He shrugged. Coming from Allura, everything he said sounded pretty stupid. “Maybe he was lying.”

Allura shook her head. “You always think he's lying or saying something stupid. Can't you just trust him?”

“Not everything he says is stupid. Just most of it.”

She threw her hands up. “See, this is what you don't say when you find Lance.”

He pouted. “I know what I’ll say, thank you very much.”

“Oh really.” She raised her eyebrows. “Please, do tell.” 

“Uh.” Allura crossed her arms. He huffed. “I can't think with you looking at me like that.”

“Is that what you’re going to tell Lance?”

“What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey, saw your video, sorry you’re sad, let’s talk about it?’”

“Be gentler than that.” Her hands cupped her cheeks. “Tell him about your feelings.”

“My what?”

“Your feelings.” She poked her chest. “Say whatever your heart wants you to say.” 

“My heart doesn't speak, Allura.” She rolled her eyes.

“You know what I mean. Tell him how you feel.”

Keith paused. “And what if he….doesn't like how I feel?”

“What do you think he’ll do? Run away?”

He shrugged. “Well, yeah.”

She slammed her head with her hand and groaned. “Keeeeith.”

“That’s my name.”

“I can’t convince you that Lance would listen to you. Only he can. Look at everything that’s happened. Look at everything you two have been through.”

“I just….don't know if it's enough.”

“It's more than enough.” She looked into his eyes one last time. “You’re important to him Keith. You have to trust him and yourself.”

“I do,” his voice cracked.

She smiled. “Good. Get going, Keith. Red’s here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have Lance :) I'd go back to the beginning and change the matt and shiro bit because hellloooooo shadam but I'm lazy. Also if you don't like the bit where Keith has trouble breathing, sorry. I'm bad at writing but he's having a panic attack and I dunno if they're different for everyone but this is what goes through my mind when I have them. I'll take it out if I offend anyone I'm sorry. 
> 
> Also I'm halfway done the next chapter :0 hoping to finish this before school so that there are no more hiatuses, get ready for some angst.
> 
> And some blood.


	8. Are You There?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my goodness I updated twice in a week, what a miracle

“It's been a while,” Keith muttered. The Red Lion landed behind the Garrison, directly on the launchpad that they had built specifically for the lions. After a few minutes of jogging through the building, Keith had reached the back and stepped outside. He breathed in the night, or should he say morning, air and stared at the creature in front of him. He smiled. He was happy to see her again.

As he approached her, Red’s eyes glowed gold. She purred before opening her mouth to let him onboard. He scrambled to his seat and reached for the controls, taking in a deep breath.

“Take me to Lance.”

-

They flew for a few moments high in the sky to avoid any planes that might have also been taking a late night flight. He took a second to scan the ground below. Nothing but desert and rock. He looked at the dark night sky above. The twinkling stars and their soft warm glow shined amongst the black cold sky. It was beautiful. He would have enjoyed himself, if only he hadn't remembered the situation at hand. Every second they grew closer, the more his heart hurt as it thumped faster and faster. What was he going to do, what was he going to say once they reached Lance?

Suddenly, Red stopped and Keith was thrown against the controls in front of him. How graceful. He peeled himself from the screen to look down to see where they were as if he could tell at this point. Was that….his old shack? “Woah kitty.” He sat up. “What are we doing here?”

She roared loudly in response and took off once again, this time flying closer to the ground and at a slower pace. He scanned his surroundings. This area was…..familiar. Of course, it was, he grew up here. But it seemed as though this path was the same one they took to find….

“The Blue Lion.”

Keith’s mouth dropped as he saw her blue head peek up from a giant hole in the ground. Was this the same hole they burst out of when they first rode her? He almost laughed. What was Lance doing here?

Red landed softly next to the hole and roared loudly at Blue, who stayed silent. He grimaced. Red, why? Lance had to know that Keith, or someone, was here now. Too late to go back. Keith waited for a second, hoping to see Lance pop up from the ground. No response. Fine. He’ll go to him. 

Keith jumped from his seat and carefully walked out of Red’s body and onto the dusty ground. He looked into the hole. There sat Blue in the same spot they had found her ages ago. But no sign of Lance.

He cupped his hands to his mouth. “Hey!” It echoed off the sides of the cave. “Hey Lance, it’s me! Keith!” No response.

He groaned loudly. “I'm coming down!” His hands dropped to his sides. “You better be there,” he said quietly as he walked back to Red.

Together they dove into the cavern, hovering a bit before landing beside Blue. Keith ran out and spun in a circle looking around. Nowhere in sight. “Lance?” he yelled. He was answered by silence. “Lance? Are you there?” Nothing.

His voice grew frantic as he ran to Blue, his feet slamming the rock beneath him. “Lance? Answer me! Where are you?” He pounded on Blue’s chest. “Open up! Please! I just want to talk.” If Blue could even feel his touch, she didn't acknowledge it. She stayed stoically still.

Keith looked up into the cockpit, into Blue’s now dim eyes. “Are you there?” 

He wasn't. Keith backed up away from the lion. Irrational thoughts raced through his mind. Lance had to be here. Somewhere around here. He began to run around the cavern, looking everywhere for the missing boy. After searching behind rocks, in the waterfall, climbing up the hole they fell through and into the cave, the only thing he found in this cavern was silence. Walking back to Blue, he laughed bitterly. Lance wasn't here. He wasn't anywhere. He was gone. And there was nothing Keith could do to bring him back. He punched the lion in frustration. The sound of his fist hitting metal echoed through his head. He did it again. And again. And again. He shut his eyes so tightly it hurt. Everything hurt. His head, his hands, his heart. It felt like every part of him was on fire. He didn't know what to do. His chase had led him to a dead end. Where was he supposed to go from here? This was his only lead. His feelings fought inside of him, jumbling and tangling into a giant mess, just like he was. He felt hot tears flow down his cheeks and hit the ground below him. He sank down to join them. Keith looked at his hands. They were bruised and bleeding. He clutched them in his lap before wrapping himself into a tight hug.

“I'm sorry.” He looked up at the lion that loomed before him. He didn't expect a reply. “I'm sorry for everything I just-” His head dropped to his chest. “I just wanted to see a friend.” It echoed off the sides of the cavern. Only the sound of dripping water remained.

“You shouldn't be here.”

That voice. It was strained and scratchy. Hardly a whisper. But it was his. Keith whipped his head behind him to face the speaker.

“Lance.” 

He looked tired. His hair was curly and messy like he had just crawled out of bed. His bright ocean blue eyes were puffy and red from crying. His clothes were wrinkled and dusty, but what scared him the most was how Lance was standing. Hunched over and tightly held together, he looked so scared and nervous. And upset. 

“Why are you here?” he demanded. Keith stared blankly at him. What?

“Didn't you want my advice?” Keith asked. Lance crossed his arms.

“I meant like a call or something, Keith. I didn't expect you to fly across the fucking desert to find me.”

“Your phone was dead,” he said blankly, his eyes wide and confused.

“And that's supposed to make it okay?”

“How else was I supposed to help you?”

Lance pinched the bridge of his nose. Keith blinked. “Wow okay, I come all this way to help you and I don't even get a ‘Hey Keith.’”

He rolled his eyes. “Hey, Keith. Go away.”

He stared at him with disbelief as Lance walked past him back to his lion. “I thought you wanted to talk!” He didn’t stop. “I came all this way to find you!” Blue lowered to the ground and opened her mouth to let Lance inside. Keith scrambled to get up. “Lance, just talk to me!”

“I-” Lance stopped, one foot into the mouth of his lion. “I didn't want to talk and see your fucking face at the same time.” He stared forward, looking at his reflection from the metallic surface of Blue. “I….I didn't want you to see me like this.”

Keith shrugged. “Well, too bad. You’ve looked worse.”

Lance whipped his head back to glare at him. “That doesn't make me feel any better.”

“It wasn't supposed to.” Yes, it was. Keith took a step forward. “Look, I'm here to bring you back.”

Lance snorted. “Good luck with that. I'm not going.”

“You will.”

“No, I won't.” He crossed his arms and held his head high.

“Yes you will,” Keith said through gritted teeth, marching over to Lance.

“No.” He turned away.

“Yes.” Keith stood behind Lance and gripped his shoulder, forcing him to face him.

“Keith,” he said stubbornly. Keith could feel Lance’s warm breath against his face. His face flushed red with warmth.

“Lance,” he said almost breathlessly. 

“Mullethead,” Lance whispered. They were so close, their foreheads touched. Both glared with such intensity, Keith’s heart thumping hard against his chest. He wondered if Lance could feel it at this point.

“Idiot.” 

They paused. Lance broke the silence with a small laugh. He smirked. “It's good to see you again.” Keith gulped. That was sudden.

He paused. “Uh. You too.” Smooth. Wow. Good job.

Lance looked down, forehead still against his. “I missed this,” he said, so quietly it could have been drowned by the sound of Keith’s heart dying. God, he hated him.

“Yeah me too.” 

“What?” Lance looked up, his eyes shimmering.

Keith scoffed and pulled away. “Nothing.” Wow. He wanted to die.

“Oh.” Lance bit his lip and rubbed his neck, looking away. Good job Keith. 

His face scrunched up as he reached for his hood. “....I....missed you or whatever.”

“Really?” Lance looked up hopefully.

“Yeah,” Keith pouted, pulling his hood over his head. He prayed to whatever higher power that existed that Lance couldn't see his red face. “I…”

Lance reached forward. “Keith.” His voice was soft and velvety, something he could never stop listening to.

“What are you-” Lance leaned in. What was going on? His face leaned closer and closer to Keith. His pink lips parted. A shiver ran down his spine. “Lance…” He felt warm hands touch his wrists.

“Your hands.”

“What about them?” he whispered, starting to lean in. 

“They’re bleeding,” he said urgently. Keith stopped. Oh.

He stared down at them. Maybe punching a metal lion wasn't the best idea. Blood streamed down his hands coming from the gashes on his red knuckles. “Oh no, my hoodie.”

“You’re going to have bigger problems than just your hoodie if you keep bleeding like that!” Lance exclaimed, taking off his jacket.

“Hey, don’t st-” Lance whipped out a knife from his back pocket. “Woah. Why do you have a knife?”

Lance looked down at his blade. “Uh.”

“Lance.” Keith stepped forward. He narrowed his eyes. 

“It's nothing. Survival and shit, you know?” He cut off a sleeve from his jacket, his hands shaking as he did so.

Keith wasn't convinced. “Lance.” He didn't look up. He hacked the sleeve into strips and reached for Keith’s hand. He pulled away. “Just talk to me.”

“Give me your hand,” he said shakily.

“Listen to me!” Keith shouted. No response. Lance lunged for Keith’s bloody fist. Keith held him by his shoulders. “Stop ignoring me!

“I’m fine.” He wouldn't meet his eyes. He struggled against Keith’s hold. 

“Can-” Lance pushed him away. He backed up against his Lion, holding his knife and ripped blue jacket. “Can we just talk?” Keith screamed. “Can you just talk to me l-like you don't hate me for once in your life?”

“I don't hate you.”

“I don't care what you think of me, just let me help you.” He slowly walked up to Lance, like approaching a wild animal. Keith gently placed his hands on Lance’s shoulders. He cupped Lance’s cheek with his bloody hand. “Did you hurt yourself?” he asked, so quietly and softly that it seemed like another person.

Lance looked up, eyes filled with terror. “No,” he croaked, dropping the knife. He clawed at Keith’s chest, finally reaching his neck. "I didn't....I didn't." He touched Keith’s cheek, placing his hands behind the back of his head. “I just….I wanted-” He couldn't continue. Tears began to spill from his eyes.

“Oh my god Lance-” 

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “I can't talk about this right now.”

“Lance-”

He looked up, glaring. “You don't understand Keith. I can't-”

“I get it.”

Lance scowled. “No-”

“I do,” Keith said calmly. He pressed his forehead against Lance’s. “I do.” Lance’s chest heaved, his pulse was erratic. His forehead was drenched in sweat, but it was warm. He sighed, pulling Lance closer to him into a tight hug. He was never good with words, but impulsive actions? They were the only way he could express how he felt.

“We need to fix your hands,” Lance spoke, muffled against Keith’s shirt.

“They’re okay,” he breathed. Lance smelled like cinnamon and vanilla. His hands pressed against his soft hair. God. He wanted to stay like this forever.

“No, it's not Keith.” Lance backed up and pulled away to look at him. “You’re bleeding a lot.”

“That's fine.”

Lance reached for Keith’s unwrapped hand. “Just let me help you.”

He moved it away. “Let me help _you_.”

“You can't help me if you die.” Lance pried Keith’s hand off his shoulders and took one of his hands. He tied the strips of cloth around it, trying to control the bleeding. He did the same to Keith’s other hand and then held them both tightly, admiring his handiwork. “That’ll have to do for now.”

“We need to talk.”

Lance frowned. “What we need is to get you actual bandages.”

“Lance-” He was interrupted when Lance squeezed his hand lightly.

“Thank you, Keith, for coming all this way.” He brushed a thumb against Keith’s hand. “It means a lot, really. But right now, we really need to fix you up. I promise I’ll tell you everything….I'm just not ready. Not right now. Let me help you first.”

“Then….?” Keith held in his breath.

“I’ll explain everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got one more chapter written and will be posted before the end of the week. Oh boy I hope this chapter was okay. A part of me wanted Keith to find Lance in the cavern, looking at the sunrise and they talk about their feelings, but Lance, at least the way I see him, is afraid of people seeing him look vulnerable? Sending the video was a big step for him. But actually talking face to face makes him scared, so he'd prefer a call or a text or whatever, as long as it isn't in person because there's distance and a chance to walk away. In person, you can't just walk away without a confrontation, like what happened here. He needs to work up the courage, to find time to collect all his thoughts together so that when he speaks, it won't sound stupid. 
> 
> Maybe I'm looking too deep into this.


	9. A Temporary Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said end of the week for the next update, it's close enough.

Lance half-carried half-dragged Keith into the shack’s front porch. Keith patted his pockets for his keys and shakily chose the right one using his “bandaged” hands. He inserted it into the lock. The door swung open.

His house was exactly the same as they had left it all those months ago, back when they had rescued Shiro from the Garrison, only more dusty. He looked to his left. A blanket draped over his old couch, his “coffee table” which was really a slab of concrete on cinder blocks and blue lion conspiracy wall were all in place. Home sweet home. 

“Let’s get you wrapped up properly, buddy,” Lance said as Keith promptly collapsed on the floor. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled, his face pressed against the wooden ground. Lance bent down and rolled Keith onto his back. “What are you-” He didn't get to finish his sentence. Lance had reached under his back and legs to carry him bride-style. “Let me down!” He weakly kicked his legs and thrashed in Lance’s arms, only to have Lance hold him tighter. 

“Don't make me drop you,” he hummed, amused. 

Keith rolled his eyes. “Please do.” Lance bounced his knees, faking a drop. Keith yelped, eyeing the ground. Lance laughed, his chest pressed against Keith’s. He scrambled for Lance’s neck, flailing his arms wildly. Keith held onto Lance’s neck and hugged him tightly, tucking his head in the crook of his neck. Lance suddenly stopped laughing and turned to stare at him. Keith noticed his cheeks were faintly pink. Must be from the laughing, he figured. “Actually….” Keith said, loosening his arms around Lance, but keeping them wrapped around him. “This is okay.”

“Are you sure?” He felt Lance shift uncomfortably underneath him.

“Y-yeah.” Keith turned away to hide his own red face. “Just hurry up and help me already.”

Lance smirked. “Yes, princess.”

“Don't you ever say that again,” Keith groaned as they walked through his old home. 

“Which way is the bathroom, Your Majesty?” Lance exclaimed in a fake royal tone.

“First door on the right.”

The bathroom was a tiny room that could barely fit a bathtub, sink, and toilet. He hadn't been inside the house for ages, everything was covered in dust. A dirty mirror hung above a cluttered sink. Lance gently placed him beside the tub. Keith leaned against the side and started to unwrap Lance’s jacket sleeves from his fingers.

“Where are your bandages?” Lance asked, looking around the room.

“Behind the mirror. They’re in the first aid kit, the red box.” He heard Lance shuffle to open the cabinet and take the box off the shelf. Footsteps approached him.

“Hang on, let me,” he heard Lance say. He sat in front of Keith, his leg brushing against Keith’s knee. Gently, Lance took one of Keith’s hands into his own. His touch sent a shiver down his spine. “You really like getting yourself hurt, don't you?” Lance mused as he started to unwrap the strips of cloth. Keith shrugged.

“Sorry about your jacket.”

He laughed. “You’re lucky it wasn't my brown one, then I’d be upset.”

Keith looked away, flustered from embarrassment. He came all this way to help Lance, and now he was the one who needed help. Typical. “You didn't have to do it,” he said curtly.

Lance stopped unwrapping his hand. “Keith, you were bleeding. How else could I have helped you?”

“But your jacket-”

“It's just a jacket, Keith.” He squeezed his hand gently and brought it close to his chest. His eyes seemed to pry into Keith’s soul. “I don't need it.”

Keith pulled away, cheeks red. “You could catch a cold,” he scoffed.

Lance chuckled and reached to unwrap Keith’s other hand. “Then you’d have to nurse me back to health.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

Keith threw his head back and groaned loudly. “God no.”

“Hey, I just saved your life, Keith! You could have bled to death!” 

He rolled his eyes. “I’d rather die than have to take care of you.”

Lance huffed. “Glad to know you feel that way.” Keith could hear the slight sound of pain in his tone.

“Hey.” He eyed Lance. “I was-I was just joking-” Lance interrupted him. 

“Yeah yeah I know, don't worry. I’m just being dramatic.” He cracked a smile, but Keith could see the pain in his eyes, the tension in his expression. God he was making things worse. Again.

He bit his lip and shuffled a bit closer to Lance. “Thank you for helping me,” he said honestly. He forced a small smile. 

Lance shrugged and continued unwrapping his hand. “Of course, you went all this way to talk to me.”

“Which we still haven't done,” he pointed out. 

“Not now.” Lance got up to turn on the faucet. “We have to fix your hands first.” He ran a cloth under the water before turning it off and facing Keith once again. “I'm going to clean up the blood, it might sting a little. Is that alright?” He nodded.

Lance cupped one of Keith’s bloody hands and gently dabbed the warm wet cloth against his skin. His hands were callused after the months of training, but still so warm and smooth. He felt himself melting into them and realized he was leaning forward, dozing off.

“Hey bud,” Lance whispered, trying to meet Keith’s eyes. “Stay with me, alright?” Keith sleepily nodded. He fell forward and caught himself. 

“I don't feel so good.” The feeling of lightness was spreading in his head. He closed his eyes. He couldn't focus, everything was so foggy. Lance let go of his hand and caught him in his arms.

“Keith, don't die on me,” he said lightheartedly. Keith grunted. Then fell forward onto Lance’s shoulder. He felt him tense up. Keith instant backed up and slid away.

“Sorry sorry. I'm just…..” It took him a few seconds to finish his sentence. “Tired.” Lance pursed his lips and scratched his head, a hand still cradling Keith. There was a moment of silence before he spoke.

“....You can….lean on me. If you want.”

Keith stuck out his tongue. “Uh, no.”

“You can barely keep yourself up, Keith.”

“I'm perfectly fine,” he said, not noticing that once again he was about to fall forward. Lance reached over and gripped his shoulders, his hands warm and strong. 

Keith suddenly felt cold. He closed the already small gap between him and Lance, leaning against his chest. His forehead rested against Lance’s shoulder. Lance was warm and soft, he wanted to get close, to feel good.

“Uh. Okay then.” Lance shuffled awkwardly until Keith was resting on the crook of his neck. “Comfortable?” Keith could only nod slightly. He was too tired to realize how he was acting, much less care. “I'm just….gonna patch up your hands now. Try to stay awake, alright?” Another small nod. 

Lance worked silently, his face flushed and hands shaking. After wiping up the dried blood from Keith’s hands, he placed gauze on his knuckles, where it was bleeding the most, and then began wrapping medicinal tape around his hands. He found himself humming softly, leaning his chin against Keith’s head. He was oddly cold. “You feeling alright buddy?” A small cough escaped Keith’s throat. “I’m almost done. Do you have anything in the kitchen?”

“I haven't lived here in over a year Lance, most of the food’s probably gone bad,” he said sleepily, his lips brushing Lance’s neck. Lance held in his breath.

“I know, but you need some sugar. You lost a lot of blood.”

“I’m fine.”

“No you aren’t.” Lance sighed. He gently pushed Keith off him. He flung backward before falling back forward. Lance held his waist and neck to steady him. “I’m going to go find something for you to drink, alright?” Keith grunted in response. Lance stood up slowly, still holding onto Keith. Once again he carried him bridal-style, but this time Keith acted more like a sack of flour rather than a bride. His cheeks and lips were extremely pale. Lance pressed his cheek against Keith’s forehead. Cold.

Lance laid him down on the couch. Keith shivered, curling up into a tight ball for warmth. Lance dusted off the blanket from the couch and laid it over Keith.

“I'll be back in a sec,” he said, patting his mullet before walked away. He looked around the house for the kitchen, eventually finding it. A small room with white walls and a stove and oven that looked practically untouched. Knowing how Keith barely knew how to cook, that was expected. Lance rummaged the pantry for anything he could use to get Keith’s blood sugar back up. Amongst the mountain of instant ramen packages, he found a container of cocoa powder. He checked the expiration date. Still good. 

Boiling some water in a saucepan, he poured in a heaping amount of cocoa. Lance dug through the cabinets to find cups and spoons, then poured the hot chocolate into two mugs. Nothing special, but it would do the job. He walked back to Keith, hoping he didn't pass out. 

“Hey, bud.” No response. He nudged Keith awake. He sleepily opened his eyes. “Got you something.” Lance placed both mugs on the coffee table and then lifted Keith up slightly to sit beside him on the couch. He lowered Keith so he leaned against Lance’s side. “Drink this.” He pressed the rim of the mug against Keith’s lips. He took a small sip and made a face.

“Is this hot chocolate?” he asked.

“Yeah. Do you not like it?” Lance picked up his mug and took a sip for himself. It tasted fine.

“Did you use water?” Keith sniffed his mug.

“Yep.”

“But….” Keith frowned. “Hot chocolate and water? That's gross.”

“Did you think I'd use milk?” he sputtered. He couldn't believe this guy. “What do you want me to do, run out to the store and get you milk?”

Keith pouted. “It would taste better.”

Lance took another drink from his mug. “You’re lactose intolerant Keith.”

“At least I have taste,” he scoffed.

“It's just hot chocolate.” Keith stuck out his tongue. Lance rolled his eyes. “It’ll help, trust me. My mom did this for me all the time when I was a kid.”

Keith raised a hand and poked Lance’s shoulder. “We need to talk about that.” Lance knew what he meant. They needed to discuss what happened back home.

He looked away. “We will,” he promised. “Once you feel better.”

“I feel fine.”

Lance gritted his teeth. “Just drink the damn thing, Keith.” He sighed and reluctantly took the mug into his hands. Lance looked at them. He had done his best bandaging them, but it obviously didn't take the pain away. “Do they hurt?”

Keith shrugged. “A little. But I've felt worse.”

“I can hold it for you.” He gestured at the mug. “The cup I mean.”

Keith looked up and gave Lance a crooked smile. “And feed me like a baby? No thanks.” Keith started to chug the drink and immediately burned his tongue. “Ow!” He waved a hand over his burnt tongue and forced it back into his mouth. Lance couldn't help but laugh.

“You have to sip it slowly, stupid.”

“Whatever.” He took a sip of the sugary liquid and smacked his lips. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Lance said absentmindedly. He rested his head against his propped up arm, tiredly watching. 

“It's pretty late.”

“It's 5 in the morning, Keith.”

“Pretty early. Did you get any sleep last night?” Lance shook his head. He was still in Cuba time, but even for him, it felt like midnight. He was tired. Keith took another sip from his mug. “We should really talk though,” he sleepily said after a big yawn. 

“Are you feeling better?” Lance quickly asked, changing the subject. “Think you’ll pass out?”

Keith yawned again. Lance chuckled at the sight of his scrunched up face. “What's the difference between passing out and falling asleep?” Keith asked, rubbing his eyes.

“If you passed out I’d be really sad if you never wake up again.” Did he really just say that?

“I wouldn't mind.”

“Please don't say that.”

“Why not?” Keith looked up at him. Did he always have such big bright eyes?

“Just don't.” Lance set down his now empty mug and pulled the blanket closer to Keith. 

“Sorry.” Keith placed his mug beside Lance's. “I'm feeling better, I’m just still a little lightheaded. But everything’s less foggy now.”

“That's good.”

Keith smiled. “Thanks to you.” Maybe it was the lack of blood, maybe it was the spur of the moment. But Keith raised one of his hands to meet Lance’s. They touched slightly. So warm. But Lance pulled away. 

“You should go to sleep,” he stuttered.

“I’m okay.”

“Stop arguing with me,” Lance said loudly, clearly irritated. He stretched out on the couch. His foot poked something and he had to look over to realize that Keith was still laying on his side. “I can move to the ground if you want.”

“Don't be stupid.” Keith shuffled forward so that Lance could have more leg room. “Just share the couch.” 

“I'm taking a nap, Keith.” 

“So am I.”

“But you’re laying on me.”

“I am?” He looked up again. He seemed slightly more aware of his surroundings than before. His face suddenly flushed pure red. Lance took it as a sign that he was feeling better. “Oh. I am.” Keith nudged at Lance’s arm that had been cradling him for the past few minutes. He blushed and pulled away. Keith shakily got up and flopped back down on the couch, this time with his feet facing Lance. “Better?” he asked, snuggling up against his side of the couch. 

Without Keith’s warmth, Lance felt strangely cold. He stole part of the blanket and tugged it around him. “Better,” he said, turning away from him. It wasn't.

“Remember. We still have to talk about everything.”

“We will.”

There was silence. Lance could hear the sound of birds chirp outside, the sun shining through the shades.

“Goodnight, Lance.” 

“Night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summer is stressful, school is stressful, I'm just constantly stressed out. But writing this is nice, hope y'all liked it

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first serious fanfic I hope it doesn't suck.
> 
> I actually really like this idea so I'm gonna occasionally draw art for it!  
> [My Tumblr](http://bun-bun-bum.tumblr.com/)


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